This is a statement I have heard a person say to someone that recently “broke out” by drinking and/or drugging again.
What a horrible, asinine, stupid remark to make to a person that started using again.
They lost their sober time? Are you kidding me?
No matter how much ‘clean’ time a person had, the fact that they “broke out” does not eradicate the time they were clean and the experience they garnered during that time.
I don’t care if it was a day, a week, a month, a year, or more.
When a person is in recovery they are doing healthy things, or at the very least, avoiding unhealthy things.
One of the suggestions I make to people that find themselves in this predicament is to think about what was working for them to a point, pull that to the present time, then think about what they can ‘add’ on to fortify their recovery.
If you do not anything different, you can expect the same result(s) again (or worse for that matter!).
For some people this can mean finding a good therapist, a trauma or grief group to join; maybe looking at that depression they have been battling for years.
But to say, “You lost your sober time,” is not very helpful at all.
Ever heard of empathy my friend?
2 comments:
I would say that's why it's difficult for those who relapse, many unknowingly (?) add to the guilt and shame they may already be suffering from.
I have heard that statement quite a bit. You don't "lose" the work you put in during your sober time. You simply made a mistake and have to start fresh. I believe that if you are sober for a few years & relapse, then quickly hope back on the wagon, you can regain your sobriety. Judgmental statements that are thrown out while in a group setting can lead to alienation. The relapser already feels a sense of failure, no one has any right to remind them of that. Positive support is crucial during that time. It makes me upset when I hear things like that...
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