Sunday, March 18, 2012
What Is Normal???
I am always amused when someone poses this question to me; whether it is a student, a colleague, or a patient.
What an all-encompassing, general, biased question to ask.
The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer stated, “Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”
In other words, if you grow up in a house of chaos with yelling, screaming, fighting, kicking, drinking and drugging going on; that is ‘normal’ for you.
The answer one gives to such a question is based on their experiential history.
One of my favorite examples is a woman I will call Mary. At the time Mary had five years ‘clean’ from heroin and was telling me about a recent event in her life.
Say Willy, how are ya!
Good Mary, how’s by you?
Oh Wicked Excellent! Things couldn’t be bettah! (Boston accent).
That’s great to hear.
I can’t believe my luck!
How so Mary?
I recently got engaged to a guy with seven years clean…and he’s never been to prison! Can you believe my f-in luck!
Hmm, you don’t say.
As I was driving home that night and what she had said started to reverberate through my head. Thinking of her background it started to make sense to me.
Let’s see, she had grown up in the “projects” in Boston. Weren’t her father and uncle doing ‘federal time’ for bank robbery? All the men in her life to that point were either up for a ‘bid,’ doing a ‘bid,’ or were just released from completing a ‘bid.’ (Bid is jail time).
The term ‘normal’ does not in and of itself state anything regarding healthy versus unhealthy however.
Entering into my 21st year in the mental health arena this fact became readily apparent early on.
People become accustomed to behavioral patterns that are not necessarily healthy for them; it is what they know.
This may explain in part why people avoid or fear change even it means they will have the possibility of being in a healthier state.
Some will work a job for twenty years and ‘bitch’ about it every day. Sort of like a tea kettle that lets off steam so it does not explode. Start to mention possible options such as going back to school or looking for a new job and the excuses start flying, I’m too old, I wouldn’t know where to look, etc.
In essence, “I know how much misery to expect on a daily basis and if something nice happens, great.
Instead of the possibility, most days my life is fairly happy and once and awhile something miserable happens.
What is normal? I do not know what is normal for you; I only know what is normal for me
I guess more importantly what it comes down to is, ‘Is your state of being ‘normal’ healthy, or unhealthy for you.
I wrote a blog similar to this one several years ago and one of the comments I got back was, “The concept of Healthy or Unhealthy can be challenged as a personal perception of preconceived concepts arising from present day values and inherent biases. What is "Healthy"?
The example I had written about was drinking a quart of scotch a day. My response in part was, “Would not drinking a quart of scotch daily at the least, compromise one's health? You tell me, and if so, would this not be deemed biologically unhealthy? (I had no response back from “Anonymous,” big surprise, lol)
One can hide behind an “intellectual guise” by referencing, “personal perception of preconceived concepts arising from present day values and inherent biases” if they want to.
Bottom line, cirrhosis is never healthy, is it?
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2 comments:
I think we "normalize" many unhealthy things just because we feel powerless to make changes or feel compelled to conform to a standard dictated by society.
And then there's NORML the marijuana advocates. The name alone connotates acceptance for marijuana use. We can be easily tricked.
Thank you for your thought provoking topic concerning a commonly asked question by many of us or in certain situations a defense mechanism through the rhetorical statement: “Hey…. What’s normal anyway?”.
In either case the underlying message remains the same?
While pondering the intent of the author’s posting, I found it necessary to seek the definition of “normal”, from a different angle and chose as a reference point, Webster’s non-clinical definition of the word “Normal”. After weeding through myriad of possible applications for this word, I came across two that appeared to be relevant to this discussion, which states:
• “Conforming to a type, standard or regular pattern.”
• “Free from mental disorder”
Hmmm……….. both of those definitions seem “normal”, right?
“Right” for whom?
As this article and Webster’s definition illustrates to me, it is a case of whatever regular pattern or standard for YOU based upon your own life’s experiences and “tribal/cultural” standards during your nurturing years that constitutes one’s perception of “normal”.
That stated, as counselors, who are in the service to assist others in their time of need, shouldn’t we set aside our own definitions/bias of “normal” to meet the client’s perception of normal?
That is a rhetorical question that only YOU, as a counselor, can answer!!!
It is my belief that by “Devine Creation” of your understanding, all of nature including humans were designed to adapt to its environment, to fulfill their own destiny.
Each of us has the inherent, “Fight or Flight” response ingrained in our primate brain though what about “evolved” brain that has afforded us as humans to put up with , long term many unpleasant causes and conditions to adapt to a point of their normalcy?
As a counselor it is my belief that my most effective use of service to the client begins with the mere act of listening without judgment & preconceptions of their our perception of “normality” .
Empathy towards a client for “where they are at” is a host of trust between the two and a potential beginning to a relationship.
Regardless of the clients past behaviors to adapt, I have found when speaking with clients, their fundamental need as with is the case with all of us is to be accepted.
It is from that seed of initial “connection” with the non-judgmental counselor that the client can potentially redirect their self-fulfilling prophecy of destructive behaviors that manifests in many forms beyond substance dependency, to that of fulfillment that is a new “normal” to them.
In closing, I will return to the original title of this article – “What is Normal?” .
What is normal, can be based on one’s perception of life through their individual experiences!
As a Substance Counselor if I utilize my professionalism in the following ways, then there may be an avenue for the client to find their own fulfillment of LIVING to their unique destiny.
“E.E.E.”
• Empathy – Is the seed to a potential TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP between client & counselor.
• Education – An avenue to explore alternative methods of thinking & dealing with life’s challenges, collaboratively.
• Empowerment – To be of support to the client during their transition of lifestyle, towards their true destiny of fulfillment & happiness in life.
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