Man, I have to tell you, what people think they can get away with when they are actively using never ceases to amaze me.
I get a call from a case manager in Boston I have known for quite some time and the second she hears me say “hello,” she literally “loses it” on the phone laughing.
O.k. I think to myself, some people find me funny, but all I said was hello.
Finally she begins to wind-down. I’m like, ‘ah Nancy what is going on that’s so funny,’ and she loses it again!
Now I’m thinking, Nancy has finally gone over the edge; too many days working in our field.
‘Willy, oh my gawd! (Boston accent) You’ll never believe what happened a half an hour ago here! Unbelievable!
She begins to tell me the tale while trying to hold back her laughter. ‘You have heard of Whizzinators, right?
I say ‘yea I know what they are.’
For you un-informed folks, the ‘Whizzinator’ is an item that men can buy when they are trying to beat a urine tox screen test. They are a prosthetic device that looks like real male (ahem) genitals. The person trying to ‘beat’ the test will get a clean urine sample from someone, load the device with the sample, then pack it down the front of their pants prior to taking the test.
The people supervising the test watch them when they are giving the sample (not a job for me, no thank you).
Nancy continues when we were doing the screens this morning this young, freckled, fair skinned kid from ‘Southie’ got bagged using one.
So I say, ‘yea?’
“Willy! It was a black one!! She ‘loses’ it again laughing and this time so do I.
He told us afterwards it was the only one they had left. (raucous laughter)
Nancy, maybe he went ‘tanning?’ (laughter continues!)
Yup, it never ceases to amaze with what people think they can get away with.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
It’s Their Fault!!
It’s his fault, her fault, the boss’s fault, my mother’s fault, my dad, my cousin, my dog…
Stop!! Enough of the ‘blame game.’ What was your role in all of this?
Well, they made me angry and upset. You mean you ‘allowed’ them, gave them ‘permission’ to get you angry and upset?
What is that supposed to mean? Quite frankly, when we say someone made us angry the fact of the matter is we allowed them and gave them permission to press our buttons.
Granted, easier said than done when dealing with family members and friends in particular who usually know all the right things to say (actually, the not so nice things to say) that can (if we allow them to) place us in a state of mind that can turn reactive and emotionally charged.
One healthy option is to utilize ‘positive confrontation’ when a person says something to try and get you to react.
It works like this. A person says something nasty to you. Instead of reacting, you can respond back with, ‘geez, what is going on with you that you would make that kind of a comment to me, I’m concerned about you.’
Or, ‘geez, you say you love me and care about me, then why would you say something like that? What is going on with you, I’m concerned.’
Usually by showing you are concerned rather than reacting back, ‘argument over before it can begin.’
Sometimes when working with people I will hear a client say, “You know, I am the way I am because of the environment I was raised in!”
Congratulations, you are halfway there. When you have that type of realization it gives you one of two choices; continue to ‘use it’ as your excuse for drug and alcohol use and behavior, or, work on those issues so you can come to resolution on them and move forward in a healthy manner.
If you are not quite there yet for ‘positive confrontation,’ then I suggest you just walk away from them and say nothing to fan their fire further.
Usually we do less harm by walking away then by reacting back.
Stop!! Enough of the ‘blame game.’ What was your role in all of this?
Well, they made me angry and upset. You mean you ‘allowed’ them, gave them ‘permission’ to get you angry and upset?
What is that supposed to mean? Quite frankly, when we say someone made us angry the fact of the matter is we allowed them and gave them permission to press our buttons.
Granted, easier said than done when dealing with family members and friends in particular who usually know all the right things to say (actually, the not so nice things to say) that can (if we allow them to) place us in a state of mind that can turn reactive and emotionally charged.
One healthy option is to utilize ‘positive confrontation’ when a person says something to try and get you to react.
It works like this. A person says something nasty to you. Instead of reacting, you can respond back with, ‘geez, what is going on with you that you would make that kind of a comment to me, I’m concerned about you.’
Or, ‘geez, you say you love me and care about me, then why would you say something like that? What is going on with you, I’m concerned.’
Usually by showing you are concerned rather than reacting back, ‘argument over before it can begin.’
Sometimes when working with people I will hear a client say, “You know, I am the way I am because of the environment I was raised in!”
Congratulations, you are halfway there. When you have that type of realization it gives you one of two choices; continue to ‘use it’ as your excuse for drug and alcohol use and behavior, or, work on those issues so you can come to resolution on them and move forward in a healthy manner.
If you are not quite there yet for ‘positive confrontation,’ then I suggest you just walk away from them and say nothing to fan their fire further.
Usually we do less harm by walking away then by reacting back.
Friday, November 2, 2012
You lost your sober time…
This is a statement I have heard a person say to someone that recently “broke out” by drinking and/or drugging again.
What a horrible, asinine, stupid remark to make to a person that started using again.
They lost their sober time? Are you kidding me?
No matter how much ‘clean’ time a person had, the fact that they “broke out” does not eradicate the time they were clean and the experience they garnered during that time.
I don’t care if it was a day, a week, a month, a year, or more.
When a person is in recovery they are doing healthy things, or at the very least, avoiding unhealthy things.
One of the suggestions I make to people that find themselves in this predicament is to think about what was working for them to a point, pull that to the present time, then think about what they can ‘add’ on to fortify their recovery.
If you do not anything different, you can expect the same result(s) again (or worse for that matter!).
For some people this can mean finding a good therapist, a trauma or grief group to join; maybe looking at that depression they have been battling for years.
But to say, “You lost your sober time,” is not very helpful at all.
Ever heard of empathy my friend?
What a horrible, asinine, stupid remark to make to a person that started using again.
They lost their sober time? Are you kidding me?
No matter how much ‘clean’ time a person had, the fact that they “broke out” does not eradicate the time they were clean and the experience they garnered during that time.
I don’t care if it was a day, a week, a month, a year, or more.
When a person is in recovery they are doing healthy things, or at the very least, avoiding unhealthy things.
One of the suggestions I make to people that find themselves in this predicament is to think about what was working for them to a point, pull that to the present time, then think about what they can ‘add’ on to fortify their recovery.
If you do not anything different, you can expect the same result(s) again (or worse for that matter!).
For some people this can mean finding a good therapist, a trauma or grief group to join; maybe looking at that depression they have been battling for years.
But to say, “You lost your sober time,” is not very helpful at all.
Ever heard of empathy my friend?
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